Monday, March 13, 2006

The Tennessee Taliban

A few posts back I wrote about the South Dakota Taliban that banned all abortions except in cases of the mothers health, cases of rape and incest are banned. Now it seems the Tennessee legislature wants to be the Taliban as well, but on a different issue.

Check out the following from the Nashville Scene by John Spragens;

Senate Bill 3794 (House Bill 3798), legislation that would make it illegal to sell, advertise, publish or exhibit to another person “any three-dimensional device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs….” For that matter, if you offer to show someone your dildo collection—or possess a vibrator with the intent to show it to someone—you’d be violating this proposed state law. And don’t even think about wholesaling those three-dimensional sex toys.

Of course, as with all good public policy, state Sen. Charlotte Burks and Rep. Eric Swafford have included a few exemptions for responsible dildo-users. College students and faculty are allowed to enter the sex-toy trade—as long as they are “teaching or pursuing a course of study related to such device,” like Auto-Erotic Stimulation 101. Your doctor or psychologist will similarly be authorized to prescribe the regular use of a sex toy “in the course of medical or psychological treatment or care.” And finally, employees of historical societies, museums, public libraries and—wait for it—school libraries are allowed to traffic in devices named Thruster, The Emperor and The Horny Hare, provided they’re doing their official duties.

So, of all the important things to deal with or fix these days, the Tennessee Senate is worried about three-dimensional sex toys. And what a convoluted law this is. Apparently a doctor can prescribe a vibrator to someone who wouldn't be able to buy it in Tennessee. So that person would have to cross the state line to purchase one, but upon returning home would not be able to show it to their mate.

That person would have to have it well hidden on the drive home in case they were pulled over for a traffic related offense. If the police saw it, they might be able to arrest the person for possession of a three-dimensional sex object with intent to show. I could just picture the cop with gloved hand poised to place the dildo in an evidence bag. If the vibrator was of a rather large size, the cop might say "Whoa, this is a big one. Hey, Bubba, bring me a Hefty trash bag."

I would wonder if a special made vibrator would have to be produced just for Tennessee, one made with a silencer, so as not to attract attention in order that no one observed the three-dimension sex toy.

I'm not sure what's on the mind of the Tennessee Senate, but I'm guessing some Senator didn't like coming home to find his wife giving one of those sex toy sales parties. Or maybe their wife came home from a bachelorette party with a "special gag gift."

I've also got to wonder, does this legislation apply to sex dolls? They are three-dimensional, they are used to stimulate genitals. To continue to wonder, is that commercial I see on TV by that has a man playing poker with a sex doll constitute a violation?

I've really got to wonder what the Tennessee historical societies and libraries are going to be like if this becomes law. The local library is going to have some back room with some sleazy looking librarian displaying the banned items? "Yes, Maam, this whole shelf have the three-dimensional sex toys you found in the card catalog."

Call it my outrage I guess, but what the hell? What difference does it make to these prudes if three-dimensional sex objects are being used? And how long before the Tennessee Senate decides that the human hand is somehow illegal?


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